The Battiest of Men

Posted: April 13, 2012 by geekgirlat40 in Hall of Heroes Interviews
Tags: , , , ,


MIKE: “Hello and welcome back to “Behind the Mask”! I’m your host Mike R. Fones and today I have a very special guest. The “King of the cape and cowl”, the Dark Knight himself, Gotham City’s own, Batman. How are you, sir?”

BATMAN: “Fine.”

Mike: “Good, good. Well, thanks for joining us today. I….

BATMAN: “Us? You said this would be one-on-one.”

Batman slowly balls up his fist…tight!

MIKE: “Well, it is just us: you, me and the people that will be watching this on television.”

Batman throws a bat-a-rang at the camera shattering its lens.

BATMAN: “No photography.”


MIKE: “Right, right. Sorry, I….”

Batman throws a handful of bat-a-rangs and takes out every light in the studio.

BATMAN: “Or lights.”

MIKE: “Geez!!! I don’t think any of that stuff was insured! Ah well.  Guess I should’ve seen that coming. Haha, get it? Seen and lights…?”

Batman slowly balls up his fist…tight!

MIKE: “Um, moving on, tell us, I MEAN, me, tell me and ONLY me, how you got into super-heroing.”

BATMAN: “Long story.”

MIKE: “No worries. I got long ears! Ha! You know because you said…”

Batman slowly balls up his fist…tight!

MIKE: “What I meant to say is, are you following in the family business? Are your parents crime-fighters? Cops maybe?”

Batman gets silent…er.

BATMAN: “Next question.”

MIKE: “Ok. Well, since we’re on the subject of your parents…”

Batman throws four bat-a-rangs: one near each of Mike’s hands and one near each of his feet.

MIKE: “Gah!!”

BATMAN: “Next…question.”


Mike pulls out his handkerchief and wipes the sweat from his forehead. He then pulls out his inhaler and takes a few puffs.

MIKE: “I…I…what…um,… Tell me about your childhoo..”

Batman rears back another bat-a-rang.

MIKE: “…utility belt. Tell me about your utility belt. Couldn’t help but notice that it has a seemingly endless supply of those really sharp, pointy little throwing things. What else you got in there? Bat-handcuffs? Spare set of bat-keys? Bat-dinner mints, maybe.”


BATMAN: “Sure.”

MIKE: “Nice color by the way. I have to admit now seeing you in person that you have a pretty good fashion sense.


MIKE: “But you’d think wearing a bright yellow belt would make it easier for the criminals to see you.”

BATMAN: “Have you ever seen me before?”

MIKE: “Well, no. But in all fairness, you’ve never seen me before either. And I’m not a criminal.”

Batman smiles ever so slightly.

BATMAN: “Right.”

MIKE: “So, I noticed that…Wait, have you been keeping an eye on me?! Am I under some kind of investigation?!”

Batman remains silent…er.

MIKE: “Why?! I haven’t done anything! I give to charities, pay my taxes…

BATMAN: “And frequent the Iceberg Lounge. A night club run by The Penguin for every hood and low-life in Gotham.”


MIKE: “The Iceberg Lounge?! Ok, yes, I’ve been there a time or two but…”

BATMAN: “Try four in the past week.”

MIKE: “They had a sale on daiquiris!! Buy one get one free!! You know how many ladies you can pull with that kind of a deal?! I mean, assuming you like ladies.”

BATMAN: “What?”

MIKE: “Well, you and The Joker seem to have a mighty cozy little relationship. I mean, he doesn’t seem to smile like that for any other authority figure. And then there’s The Riddler. Guy sure does go out of his way to get your attention. But he doesn’t really seem to mind when you catch him. Almost like he wants you to. Ironically enough, I don’t see many reports of you slapping the ole bat-cuffs on Catwoman. What’s wrong? Not into skin tight leather? And don’t get me started on Robin. The Boy Wonder indeed. They don’t call ‘em tights for noth…

Batman grabs Mike by the collar and raises him out of his chair.

BATMAN: “There are over two-hundred bones in the human body. And I know a different way to break each of them.

MIKE: “Wait, wait!! Please! I..I didn’t mean anything by it! I was just joking with ya a bit! Please Mr. Wayne, don’t hurt…!”

BATMAN: “What did you say!!??

MIKE: “Um…I…”

BATMAN: “What…did…you…say!?!?

Mike sweats profusely as his teeth chatter uncontrollably.

BATMAN: “We’re done.”

Batman throws down a smoke pellet. When the smoke clears, neither Batman nor Mike can be seen.


  1. Anonymous says:

    That ‘IS’ a lot of batarangs.

  2. tiki says:

    seems someone has issues with sharing.

  3. Mark Hopper says:

    Geez Batman’s a dick

  4. baki3626 says:

    Hahahaha!!! Your reactions are priceless!! “Batman’s a dick.” Too funny! And yes Tiki, we ALL have issues with sharing. 🙂

  5. baki3626 says:

    P.S. Thanks for reading.

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