Spider-man’s Tangled Web

Posted: June 13, 2012 by baki3626 in Hall of Heroes Interviews
Tags: , , , , , ,

MIKE

Hello and welcome to another episode of “Behind the Mask.” I’m your host Mike R. Fones and tonight I will be joined by the wall-crawling, web-slinger himself, the spectacular Spider-man! Hello sir and welcome to the program.

SPIDER-MAN

Well hello yourself. Nice intro, Mikey. I should let you announce my arrival every time I go out. Ever been a super hero’s wingman?

MIKE

I use to hit up a few spots with Tony Stark back in the day but that was before he started wearing that fancy suit. Not to mention that leash Pepper keeps him on.

SPIDER-MAN

Yeah, red-heads are really nice.

MIKE

What’s that?

SPIDER-MAN

I said it’s really good to see ya.

MIKE

Yes and you as well, Spider-man.

SPIDER-MAN

Please, call me Spidey.

MIKE

Ah yes, “Spidey.” One of your many nicknames.

SPIDER-MAN

Yep, one of my many…Wait, what? What other nicknames do I have?!

MIKE

Well, over the years I’ve heard you called everything from “web-head” to a “masked menace.”

SPIDER-MAN

Okay, I’ll give ya “web-head.” It’s got a bit of a ring to it. But “masked menace?!” Me?! Do I look like a masked menace?

Mike

You are currently wearing a bright red ski-mask and hanging upside down from the ceiling like a burglar.

SPIDER-MAN

Oops, am I doing that spider-hang-thingy right now? Sorry. Half the time I don’t even realize it. Once had an entire conversation with Doc Ock like this and…

MIKE

Doc Ock? As in Doctor Otto Octavius? The super villain with 8 limbs?

SPIDER-MAN

First of all, how many Doc Ocks do you know? Second, I wouldn’t exactly call that scampering bowl-cut a super anything. He may have half a dozen hands but he’s still all thumbs.

MIKE

And yet he’s managed elude you on several occasions.

SPIDER-MAN

Name one.

MIKE

Last month when he robbed that bank on Elm.

SPIDER-MAN

Happened right after lunch. A combo meal from Taco Town and a pair of tight spandex don’t help the ole spider reflexes in a fight. But that’s what dye packs are for.

MIKE

How about during the Thanksgiving Day parade? He destroyed several balloons and floats while you just watched. You might as well have been eating popcorn while sitting on your daddy’s shoulders.

SPIDER-MAN

He took out Odie, Nermel and a couple of Teletubbies. The crowd was actually cheering him on as he did it. By the way, you seem kinda familiar. Is this our first interview together?

MIKE

Of course it is. And don’t try and change the subject, arachnid!

SPIDER-MAN

What subject, ulcer-face?

MIKE

That you’re in cahoots with Doctor Octopus!

SPIDER-MAN

How dare you accuse me of being in cahoots! By the way, what’s a cahoot?

MIKE

Your little quips won’t get you out of this! I have hard evidence that you have been working with every suped up hood and mega powered crook in the city! They commit the crime and you create some elaborate hoax to help them get away from the police!

SPIDER-MAN

If I was working with the baddies of this town wouldn’t I be able to afford some better duds? Or at least a car? Web swinging may be a  great workout but even I could use a break. And your voice really sounds familiar. You sure we never played Frisbee golf together? How bout softball?

MIKE

Frisbee golf is for sweaty hippies and softball is for angry tom-boys!

SPIDER-MAN

And who’d know more about being angry than you? I’ve seen the Hulk manage his anger better.

MIKE

Well, I’m not the Hulk.

SPIDER-MAN

Nope. And you’re not Mike R. Fones either.

MIKE

Huh…what’re you…what’re you talking about?! Of course I am!

SPIDER-MAN

Wow J.J. Your acting is about as bad as your reporting. Still not quite as bad as your hair though.

 

J. JONAH JAMESON

What?! How’d you…!

SPIDER-MAN

Gimme some credit, pickle-puss. Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize the distinct aroma of those dirty stogies you’re always chomping on?

J. JONAH JAMESON

Damn. Stopped smoking days ago. Smell never leaves.

SPIDER-MAN

Don’t bash the pipe weed too much. Your little “Mike” mask is cute but about as far from effective as you’re blood pressure is from low.

J. JONAH JAMESON

Fine. You figured me out. Big deal. I don’t regret my actions or recant my accusations. You’re nothing more than a pajama’ed criminal and I’ll bring you to justice or die trying!

SPIDER-MAN

Can’t argue with you there, “Grandfather Time.” Your salt and pepper hairstyle is getting saltier by the minute.

J. JONAH JAMESON

One of these days I’ll find out who you are. I’ll take that mask of yours off and expose you to the world for who you really are.

SPIDER-MAN

And one of these days I’ll figure out what the “J” in your name stands for. It’s Jarvis, isn’t it?

J. JONAH JAMESON

Why you…!!!

(Spider-man fires some webbing over J. Jonah Jameson’s mouth shutting him up)

SPIDER-MAN

Later Jarvis!

(Spider-man quickly swings away)

Advertisements
Comments
  1. good stuff. Went right into the contraversial with spidey, fearless reporting sir.

  2. baki3626 says:

    Why thank you very much, sir. A journalist is nothing without their integrity. 😉

  3. geekgirlat40 says:

    “Scampering bowl-cut” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

  4. and getting the subject riled up early can produce unexpected and interesting results. Well played.

Your words SHOULD be here! :-)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s