Archive for the ‘Ferne’s World’ Category

Ferne’s Year In Review

Posted: December 21, 2012 by getstitcheddesigns in Ferne's World
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Because I had WAY-HAY-HAY to much fun in college, this really isn’t a normal year in review.  It’s really more like a Christmas Season review.  My memory is bad enough that I can really only focus on a day at a time, so I feel the need to go ahead and write about Christmas, and it isn’t even Christmas yet.  Go figure;  Go team Appalachian State!

This could mainly be summarized as a Friday Photo Dump from my instagram account, but it mostly includes our adventures with our new Ambassador of Awesome, our Elf on the Shelf, “Cary.”

cary 8

I’m assuming you are familiar with Elf on the Shelf.  If you aren’t participating in this Christmas tradition yourself, you know someone who is, thanks to Facebook.  This little elf, Cary, is also the reason my blog posts have been zero lately.  He’s been keeping me busy.  First world problems.

First, you have to name your elf before it comes to life.  Will named him “Cary.”  I’m not sure Will didn’t want to name him “Carrie” considering he wasn’t sure if it was a girl or a boy elf.  Homophones.  The sheer androgyny of these elves actually gives you some creativity with the names and makes it so much fun.  We figured he was going with Cary Grant, even though Will has no idea who that is, so there you have it.  I love it when children name things/people/animals.  They come up with the funniest, most original names.

I’m also going to tell you that we read the book to Will the night before Cary showed up.  This freaked Will out.  He was actually petrified and didn’t want an elf to come to the house.  I think he just doesn’t like being ratted out.  He’s cleaned up his act for real.  Who knew a little toy could bring so much joy to mommy and daddy?

Cary flies to the North Pole every night to report to Santa how Will has been behaving and listening.  The next morning, he flies back home and lands in funny places after having crazy escapades.  It’s cute, and of course I’m having way too much fun with this as a parent.  I obviously am one of those moms that takes it to the max and has been going a little crazy with the story lines.  Judge me all you want…this shit is awesome.

So, without further adieu, here’s some fun times with Cary.

Cary was too "busy," so Will wanted him to "Relax."  So did Frankie.

Cary was too “busy,” so Will wanted him to “Relax.” So did Frankie.

Santa's Super Helper

Santa’s Super Helper

Cheering for Christmas with his Nutcracker friend.

Cheering for Christmas with his Nutcracker friend.

Missed Curfew

Missed Curfew

The force is strong with this elf.

The force is strong with this elf.

Vanna White

Vanna White

Winning big in Vegas after "borrowing" money from Will's piggy bank.
Winning big in Vegas after “borrowing” money from Will’s piggy bank.

Cary will be headed back home to the North Pole in a few days, so I have to work up a really good “Finale” landing on the 24th.  Not sure what I should do yet, but I’ll actually be sad when he leaves.

From our house to yours, have a Merry Christmas!  If you don’t celebrate Christmas, I hope you just have a really kick ass day that day.

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Halloween is in the air….so get a big Whiff!

Once Will realized that I was pretty handy at making his costumes, he has INSISTED from that point forward that I do so, even if I could buy it.  Last year for Halloween, he begged to be Shaun the Sheep, and I wasn’t able to buy a costume for him since it was not super mainstream, so I feel I managed pretty well.  He was happy!

If you’ve been following my posts, you now know that my child is fully obsessed with anything and everything Super Mario.  Yoshi is his favorite, so guess who we are this year for Halloween?

I’d like to say that I came up with the hat idea all by myself, but I didn’t.  I found inspiration here, and I dare say that this yarn artist, Handmademonster, kind of kicks my ass in the Yoshi department, but I’m happy I was able to muster a knock-off almost worthy of theirs!

Now, here come the patterns for the boots and Mario’s saddle all you crochet nerds like me out there…

For Will’s little Yoshi boots, I purchased this really cool pattern on Etsy.

As for the saddle, I winged that, and I’m sharing it with you all for your little Yoshi monsters!

Mario’s Saddle for Yoshi

Abbreviations: 

SC (Single Crochet)

Ch (Chain)

BLO (Back Loop Only)

STS (stitches)

Tools:

K Hook:  for the Red Saddle

J Hook: for the White Saddle Brim

G Hook: For the Green shoulder straps

Stitch Markers (if desired)

Polyfill (to stuff the saddle)

Yarn:

Red Heart Super Saver in Red (Color A)

Bernat Baby Boucle’ in White (Color B)

Vanna’s Choice in Fern in Green (Color C)

*For the saddle (Color A,) you will hold two strands of yarn together throughout.  Also, gauge does not matter.

*Use a stitch marker as necessary.  There is no joining while working on the saddle.

Saddle (Color A) & K Hook MAKE TWO

Ch 2

Row 1:  7 SC in 2nd Chain from Hook (7 sts)

Row 2:  2 SC in each SC (14 sts)

Row 3:  1 SC in 1st SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (21 sts)

Row 4:  1 SC in next 2 SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (28 sts)

Row 5:  1 SC in next 3 SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (35 sts)

Row 6:  1 SC in next 4 SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (42 sts)

Row 7:  1 SC in next 5 SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (49 sts)

Row 8:  1 SC in next 6 SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (56 sts)

Row 9:  1 SC in next 7 SC, 2 SC in Next all the way around (63 sts)

Row 10:  1 SC in each SC all the way around in the back loop only (BLO)  (63 sts)

Slip Stitch to first SC.

Fasten Off and weave in ends.

Hold two red saddle pieces together and Switch to J Hook and attach Color B.  You’ll be working through both saddle pieces all the way around.

2 SC in each SC around the red saddle to create a white border, leave a small space in order to stuff Polyfill, then continue 2 SC in each stitch until you can slip stitch to first SC.  (126 sts)

Fasten off

Switch to G Hook and Color C for the straps MAKE TWO

Ch 8 (8th ch is the turning chain)

SC in the 2nd ch from hook and across the row (7 sc)  Ch 1, Turn.

Continue to do this same step until your strap reaches about 20 inches in length (or longer if necessary for sizing.)  Fasten off.

Sew straps to the saddle as seen below

And….Voila!  Mario is ready to hop on!

If you have any questions about my pattern, ask someone else because I have no idea what I’m talking about….KIDDING!  I’m happy to help in any way that I can!  Happy Halloween, and have fun playing dress up!

We like playing pretend around our house.  Any opportunity my son and I get to play “Make Believe” and wear costumes, we’re pretty stoked about it.  My husband, well, that’s another story.  He participates in his own way.

Take Halloween for instance:  Halloween is my all-time favorite holiday, tied only with Christmas and Independence Day.  We are in a perpetual state of Halloween costume planning 365 days a year.  My costumes in the past have been hit or miss, and their level of success really depends on the amount of time I allow myself to execute my idea.  I’ve had mostly serious fails, which usually consisted of my “handmade” costume ideas and really about two wins in my costume history, both of which were purchased.

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Please note that in my “Wind” Costume image, that is not a duck face or a kissy face.  That’s much too cliché.  That is a “Wind Face.”  I am blowing air, as you can see from that glittery wind coming from my mouth.  The fact that I need to explain it shows why it was not successful; although, I do like to “Make Believe” that it wasn’t lame.  That’s the land I live in. 

My husband pretends to be Gaylord Focker, “The Murse,” every Halloween, and this has been the case for the past six years.  This way, he can get away with wearing “pajamas,” and no one calls him a humbug for not participating in the festivities.

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My son’s first few Halloween costumes were really pretty simple.  I bought them; he wore them.  Gotta love that.  Below we have “The Happiest Pumpkin in the World,” “Sock Monkey,” and “Guy Bones.”  “Guy Bones” is glow in the dark skeleton pajamas.  When in doubt, pull the pajamas out!  Just ask my hubby, and he’ll tell you those are words to live by.

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When my son turned three, his tastes became more varied, so I was not as successful at finding off-the-rack costumes.  Insert Homemade costumes again.  For example, a year ago for a friend’s Super Hero Birthday Party, Will asked to be the obscure Turboman from “Jingle all the Way.”  You know, the 1990’s Christmas movie with Sinbad and Arnie Schwarzenegger.

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I’d like to say we managed okay with a little help from some aluminum foil, soda bottles, streamers, duct tape and cable ties.  (Similar Tutorial Here ) They don’t even sell Turboman costumes; we found an Iron Man costume that was more red than burgundy, and it worked.  If you were in the market for a Turboman Action Figure, which ironically was a requested Christmas item from Will that year, good luck with that because they are close to $200 buckaroos; although, they do have a really cool Cube Craft Art Turboman Here and Here if you feel like making a miniature paper version.

Now that Halloween is approaching again, Will has of course requested something that he wants me to make instead of buy.  Actually, he pretty much told me I had to make it in so many words.  Part two of this blog post will be a “Shaun the Sheep” costume and a Yoshi costume, and I’ll have a little crochet tutorial to go along with it.

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I’d Hit That

Posted: September 18, 2012 by baki3626 in Ferne's World
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I’d Hit That – Hot U.S. Politicians

Unless you live under a rock…or fell of the grid, you probably know that this year is a Presidential Election year.  In the spirit of political discourse, I’m dedicating this blog post to a handful of home-grown, United States politicians I’d like to make out with. 

Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States – Because you, Joe Biden, are a “big f@cking deal.”

Sean Duffy, Congressman from Wisconsin (you may know him from MTV’s Real World 6) – He’s a professional lumberjack athlete.  He likes to play with wood.

 

Barack Obama, POTUS– Yes, yes you can.

 

Paul Ryan, VP Candidate – He’s runs marathons…in the sack.

 

Mitt Romney, POTUS Candidate – Mitt’s the shiznit!

 

Scott Brown, United States Senator from Massachusetts – did a centerfold spread in Cosmopolitan.  Well HELLO Mr. Brown!

Bill Clinton – Former POTUS – He leaves his mark all over the place, especially the ladies hearts.     

 

Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, New Jersey – wants to reduce crime.  Book Me!

 

Aaron Schlock, Congressman from Illinois – “Schlock” rhymes with……..CLOCK!  Geez Louise guys, get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m a mother for goodness sake.

Honorable Mention:  Roger Doofenshmirtz , Mayor of Danville on “Phineas and Ferb” – He’s a cartoon character, but who can resist his charm?

 

Honorable Mention:  Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska and 2008 V.P. Candidate – Sarah Palin has a big ol’ set of lady balls, and she’s smokin’ hot!

 

Automatic Disqualification:  Former New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner – Mr. Weiner, your last name is a hard for me to get behind.

 

I mean, who needs “50 Shades of Grey” when you have C-SPAN?  Which political hotties or public servants are on your list?

I don’t get to watch a ton of television that doesn’t include humanoid vehicles or talking ponies, but when I do, I revel in that time.  Imagine my surprise that in four years of not consistently watching adult primetime, I find that Ryan Seacrest has taken over the airwaves.  He’s got “American Idol,” “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and quite a few more gigs that he is either hosting or producing.  Well, “Good for him,” I say!  He was even able to partake in some Olympic 2012 coverage, which spared me an entire 2 weeks of Bob Costas narration, but I kind of feel like he’s everywhere, which quite frankly, has me concerned that he’s planning to take over Earth and its inhabitants in a hostile fashion.   Could it be?

I feel his presence everywhere and anytime I turn the channel whether it is on television or radio, he’s there.  I was watching the 25th Anniversary of “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel this past month, and I’m watching it thinking, “Thank God that Ryan Seacrest doesn’t host ‘Shark Week,’” yet, this is the vision that pops into my mind…

And this…

 And this next one is by far the worst…

All I can say is, “Well played, Ryan Seacrest.  Well played indeed”.   Not only are you taking over the airwaves, you’re taking over ocean waves too.   I guess that’s why they call you “SEAcrest”.   Just keep your filthy mitts off of “Finding Nemo” and other Disney cartoons I watch with my son, and we’re square; otherwise, I’ll have nowhere to escape your plan to go all “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” on me and the rest of Earth.  I’ve heard people refer to him as, “The new Oprah Winfrey.”  I mean, if I was a Pod Person, that’s exactly whose body I’d take over first.  Could Ryan Seacrest REALLY be a body snatcher?  Could this really be?

Yep.   It be.

Let Them Eat Cake…and Cookies

Posted: August 8, 2012 by baki3626 in Ferne's World
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My son turned four last week, and like I expected him to, he requested a Super Mario Galaxy party.  If you recall from one of my previous blog posts “You’re a Mother of Sorts,” you’ll remember that Will thinks Super Mario Galaxy 2 on the Wii is the mecca of Mommy/Will playtime. 

I don’t know why I decided to get all Martha Stewart on the situation, but I chose to make Will’s cake and cookies from scratch rather than order from one of our esteemed and talented local bakeries.  I’ve never made a cake; although, I’ve eaten a ton of it.  When Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat cake,” I was like, “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.”  Notice how Marie Antoinette didn’t say, “Let them bake cake.”  That’s because baking is hard, and she didn’t want any of her subjects to have to endure hard, physical labor.  Good looking out, Marie.

If you don’t believe baking is hard, See Exhibit A. 

 

I found the recipe for homemade lofthouse cookies here.  You know, the ones at the grocery store that are super soft and have a buttload of yummy frosting on them?  Well, this lady’s cookies have the fluffiest icing and just look scrumptious.  Mine don’t look like that, and mine took about four hours to prep and bake.  According to my husband, mine look like, “Hamburger patties with melted cheese and olives.”  Guess who didn’t get any cookies?  Kidding….

Baking is also messy.  See Exhibit B.

 

See how in that one picture it looks like my cake was baked in a waffle iron?  I did that on purpose…. Note to self:  When the cake recipe calls for a specific cake pan size, it’s probably a good idea to follow those directions, especially if you’re a novice because you’ll have to start over. 

LUCKILY, buttercream icing is like glue, so I was able to hide some of my less conspicuous imperfections.  Yay for cake glue!  Once I got past the hard parts (baking) I was able to get to the fun part of decorating.  See Exhibit C. 

 

I carved that joker myself because I’m too good for shaped cake pans (actually, they just didn’t have mushroom shaped cake pans at the craft store.)  At least I can cut a straight line.  After all that, here’s the final result.

 

I gave myself a little pat on the back for this first time attempt, and it was pretty darn delicious, if I may say so.  It did take roughly 8 hours total between this cake and the cookies, so I don’t think I’ll be quitting my day job, but I’m pretty stoked about the outcome.   

Now y’all don’t go losing your heads over how awesome this is; it seems a bit silly to lose your head over some cake.  And a big Happy 4th Birthday to my little guy. 

 

I’ve been trying to walk every day.  Health experts say you should strive-to-stride at least 10,000 steps daily.  I don’t know what that equates to in mileage, but who’s counting, right?  Just me and my trusty pedometer, that’s who.  

I generally like to take time during my walks to unplug from handheld technology and just ponder the world I know.  I also like to pretend I’m some sort of “Step Stalker” on my walks with Pedo (sometimes I call it that for short,) which always gets a snicker.  

I found myself reminiscing today during my stroll about the time I went to Target to purchase my pedometer.  Imagine my surprise when the pedometers and similar exercise aids were on lock-down.  Seriously.  I had to call in the Target squad to come unlock the display for me.  I hadn’t realized that pedometers, heart rate monitors, etc. were such “HOT” items.  I don’t recall ever walking in Times Square having people try to peddle pedometers at me.  Other than video games, smart phones and cameras, I dare say I’ve never seen any other Target merchandise “behind bars.”  

Now, let’s venture over to Target’s competitor, Walmart.  

Walmart’s pedometers are wide open, but you can’t buy a razor, or a shotgun or even baby formula without assistance, which makes sense because all of those items purchased in one transaction sounds like a really bad combination.  “Save Money. Live Better.”  Walmart protects its shoppers, and most importantly, their offspring!
I decided to do a little research, and by research, I mean I did a Google search.  I was surprised at my findings.  Did you know that razors and baby formula are two of the most shoplifted items in America?  According to this website, they are. http://www.businessinsurance.org/the-9-most-shoplifted-items-in-america/  

Pedometers are not on that list.  So…why are you corralling the pedometers, Target?  I think they’re worried they’ll get up, and get this….walk away!  Maybe Target is a magical land after it closes, where pedometers like to do walkabouts, travel to the sportswear sections, and become stowaways in pairs of pants like moths to a flame, thus making it incredibly difficult to sell them.  It could happen.  I think I’m on the right track here.  

As far as Target’s daytime magic goes, they do have the power to make me buy items that aren’t on my shopping list.  “ABRACADABRA!  SHAZZAAM!”  Magically broke!  Works every time.

I’m so happy I’ve answered the burning question, “Why are Target pedometers under house arrest?” Yet, I find myself perplexed that by the end of my walk, I have more questions than answers….

What happens in Walmart at night?

Should I be concerned with Heart Rate Monitors and their nightly activities

Until tomorrow….